A terrifying hold
by Logan27
Summary: What I really wanted to happen in 4x02. I can't stand the state of things between Red and Liz right now. Just a short quick fix.


_Okay, so the start of this season (4th) makes my heart ache. I hate seeing Red and Liz like this so I had to write something that changed it. I'm sure it will seem too quickly resolved for most of you but I needed it fixed fast. I don't believe Red is her father but I also feel that they still have a long way to go if the relationship is ever going to morph into something romantic. I think that for now and for the foreseeable future, their connection will just be ambiguous but undeniably unbreakable..._

Liz wasn't sure where they had taken her. It was somewhere safe, she knew that much. Red would never arrange for her to be brought into anything but. Even after what she had put him through, he would never harm her or put her in its way.

That's when she turned and saw the black car sitting there across the street. Red was sitting in the back seat with the window down, just looking at her, but he wasn't getting out. That was a bad sign. Liz didn't know how she knew but if she had stood there looking at him any longer, he would have had Dembe drive them away without saying a word to her. So she sprung into action and before the car could move an inch, she was standing in front of it, blocking its path.

"Dembe," Liz addressed the strong black man behind the wheel, "could you please step out and give us a moment?"

He looked to his employer for instruction and, at Red's nod, he exited the vehicle and shut his door while Elizabeth made her way to the rear door opposite the man she had hurt so badly.

Climbing inside, Liz saw that he wasn't looking at her. He was looking straight ahead.

"After what I've done, I don't deserve a moment of your time. I don't deserve you tolerating me speaking to you now, but I'm going to anyway. The sight of me must disgust you after everything that's happened so I don't blame you for not looking at me." At that moment he did, as if the last thing she said shocked him.

"Looking at you doesn't disgust me, Lizzie." There were a few moments of silence where he let his comment hang in the air before he followed it up. "It breaks every bone and organ in my body, bringing me to my knees."

At that, tears started filling Liz's eyes. The imagery was enough to knock the wind out of her. It took what felt like several minutes before she could speak again.

"You have every right to walk out of my life right now; leave me as I was foolish and thoughtless enough to leave you, but I'm asking you not to. I'm begging you," she reached out for his arm but thought better of it for the time being and withdrew. "I know you're going to bring Agnes back and I'm so grateful for that. But after it's all over and we're all safe, I'm begging you: Come back to me."

Red looked down towards the floor and she knew that she was asking so much.

"Words nor actions will ever make up for making you think you'd lost me. That betrayal is beyond any, no matter what language. I _am_ sorry, Red, but I know that falls so far short it's staggering... I'm simply asking you to stay in my life. And I will do anything to make that bearable for you." Liz then reached out and gripped his arm. She was breaking down. "Yell at me, Red. Scream at me, hit me, beat me and torture me in the cruelest ways you can think of and still don't forgive me. Just so long as I don't lose you. You can do anything you want to me if it allows you to stomach being here."

Red looked back up at her again. This time he had a concerned and slightly alarmed look on his face. Elizabeth continued.

"You want me to stay with the FBI? Done. You want me out? I'll do it. You want Tom gone, he's gone." With each sentence, Red's face became more surprised and speechless. "Even before I found out our plan didn't protect us, I knew I'd made a terrible mistake. I've done things, killed people, but what I did to you is and always will be my deepest shame and regret." Tears were streaming down her face now and his eyes were welling up at the sight of her; the state she was in.

"So, tell me. Tell me what to do. Ask anything of me. Put me through whatever it takes, just don't leave. Please d-" her words broke off and her frame nearly failed to keep her upright.

And suddenly, she felt Red scoop her legs across his lap and pull her to him. Liz was only too happy to wrap her arms around him and told on tight, her sobbing wracking her body. His arms locked around her as well and he put his head to her shoulder.

"This doesn't mean I forgive you," he began and Liz nodded eagerly. "Because you're right. I probably never will. I'm furious with you. I am absolutely livid and simultaneously shattered. But don't for a second think I would ever derive any pleasure from hurting you... The injured soul within wants to walk away and never look back but I know I could never actually do that. I could never leave you unless you ordered me to."

Red pulled back slightly and made her watery eyes look into his. "You were right when we first started working together. I do need you and I hate that about myself because it makes me vulnerable. It means you or anyone who chooses to use you can break me. And now that you have and I know what it feels like, I still can't tear myself away from you and I finally know for certain that, in this, there is no hope. I cannot salvage myself from this, only give into the mess, the chaos, the frailty. I'll take anything from you even if it's pain. And yet, what is so disturbingly beautiful is that you would take the same from me if it's all you could have. So who am I to walk away? Who am I to act the wounded animal when it is so clear that I have the same terrifying hold on you?"

Liz was in awe at his words and all she could say was, "I love you."

Tears fell down Red's cheeks. "I love you too, Lizzie." And they just continued sitting in the back seat of that car, holding on to one another.

Across the street, Tom had come out of the warehouse that was intended to be their new home. He could see his wife clinging tight to Red and the criminal mastermind holding her with the same fierceness. Neither showing signs of letting go any time soon and Tom was filled with what he could only describe as jealousy. He knew Red wasn't her biological father. Tom also knew that though Red had some vaguely paternal instincts towards Liz, that wasn't the tone of their bond.

Red and Liz's connection was beyond Tom's comprehension. All he could figure out was that they were close. Closer than any other duo he had ever known. and Liz's love for the older man could only be topped by her love for Agnes. In that moment, Tom knew that her love for him couldn't even compete. It didn't even come close to the other two. And when the day came that Liz had to choose who to be loyal to between the men in her life, he knew she would fly into Red's arms without hesitation and he would just have to be okay with that. If he wanted any part of the woman he loved, he would have to accept not being her world. He would have to accept that when it came down to the wire, she would sacrifice him if it meant saving one of the most vicious men in the world. A man whose embrace she was currently wrapped in.

For all the world, Raymond Reddington was a dangerous and homicidal freight train, a wolf out for blood. But for Elizabeth Keen, he was whatever she needed him to be.


End file.
